I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
