morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We need to get me chipped asap
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
