I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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