it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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