Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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