Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
