R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
did i just pee glitter
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