he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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