I got chris browned last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
