She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
