I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
