my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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