Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize