i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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