shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
