She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
