I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
