Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
