12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
