Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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