There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
