There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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