P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
