Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
