I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
