? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
