I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
