I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
