As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
