gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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