My liver just broke up with me...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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