sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
