the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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