Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
