How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
