I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
