Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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