I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize