the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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