My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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