took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
