Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
