Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
