It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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