Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
