She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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