my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
