Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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