I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
They have beer where we have blood.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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