Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
