I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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