did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
