i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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