Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
