So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
