I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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