Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
