It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
