When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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