I CAN MOONWALK!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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