About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
