Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
