at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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