Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
