if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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