Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
