i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
