a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
