i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
