Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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