Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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