i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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